Why do we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?
What do you call sour cream after it spoils?
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
These jokes are okay, but c'mon guys we're not in camp anymore, so let's spice them up a little bit. I know you Senior Boys are capable of much better or should I say a lot worse???
So here goes.... Santa & The Cop:
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
Ok here's some good clean fun. Since this is a 2 parter , lets try the men 1st then maybe if you can take it , the ladies...Hope you have a good sense of humor or squimish
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed. Leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her, making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No) Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for a washcloth...You don't use one. Wash your face.Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar. Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee (in the shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire the wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the"woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed
OK part 2 of the good clean fun . Once again , don't take it seriously and of course my personal disclaimer : these opinions are not endorsed nor expressly agreed with by this Station and are soley the opinions of the author (not me) LOL
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note...Must do more sit-ups. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, Long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner, Enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes, until red. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas, then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand. Sounds like something one of my Senior Boys would do???
"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"
I remember 2 Ethels i used to know. One was Ethel Mertz (fred's wife) and the other was a cleaning lady from the Bungalow colony. I think my Mom and her friends got her for a group rate.
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T".
Three guys were sitting in a bar ( Black man, Italian & Jew )...they were all saying how they were the best lovers, and they could have their wives/girlfriends "screaming" with delight the longest.
They each made a wager as to which one would do the best job and decided to go home and report back the following week with their results.
A week passed and they all met back in the bar to find out how they all fared.
The black man proudly stuck out his chest and said, " I took my time and caressed my girlfriend all over and made sure she was ready and we made mad passionate love and I had her screaming for 1/2 an hour."
The Italian man said, " Are you kidding?....We drank 2 bottles of vino, I fed her grapes, took my time and while we were making love, she was screaming for over an hour."
The Jew just laughed at the two of them and said, " I got some body oil, rubbed it all over her body, and then wiped my hands on the drapes....she's still screaming!"
17 Comments:
At 10/07/2006 1:41 PM ,
Bob Hutt said...
Q: Where do women with large breasts work?
A: Hooters.
Q: Where do women with one leg work?
A: IHOP
At 10/09/2006 8:33 PM ,
Rob said...
Very Good David...Bravo
Why do we park in a driveway but drive on a parkway?
What do you call sour cream after it spoils?
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one
enjoys it?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two
cents in, what happens to the other penny?
At 10/10/2006 4:46 PM ,
Mitch said...
Here are a few more...
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgrunted?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Procastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Isn't it just stale bread anyway?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, then why is it still #2
If all the world is a stage, then where is the audience sitting?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorroids" shouldn't they be called "assteroids"?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
How do they get deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day and drink beer.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
At 10/11/2006 4:19 PM ,
alison said...
Why is the drive through ATM equipped with braille keys?
At 10/12/2006 7:43 PM ,
Bob Hutt said...
These jokes are okay, but c'mon guys we're not in camp anymore, so let's spice them up a little bit. I know you Senior Boys are capable of much better or should I say a lot worse???
So here goes.... Santa & The Cop:
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for
a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on
the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got
there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell
Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
At 10/12/2006 9:06 PM ,
Rob said...
Ok here's some good clean fun. Since this is a 2 parter , lets try the men 1st then maybe if you can take it , the ladies...Hope you have a good sense of humor or squimish
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
Leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see your wife along the way,
shake wiener at her, making the "woo-woo" sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and
suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No)
Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
Get in shower.
Don't bother to look for a washcloth...You don't use one.
Wash your face.Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
Pee (in the shower).
Rinse off and get out of the shower.
Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain
hanging out of the tub the whole time.
Partially dry off.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles.
Admire the wiener size again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
Leave bathroom fan and light on.
Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.
If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her,
and make the"woo-woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed
At 10/13/2006 6:27 AM ,
Mitch said...
Nona
When this thread came up, that was the first joke I thought of (surprise, surprise)
I never thought I could get the proper effect because it is more of an audible joke...but you did it perfectly.
It still makes me laugh...
At 10/14/2006 6:35 PM ,
Rob said...
OK part 2 of the good clean fun . Once again , don't take it seriously and of course my personal disclaimer : these opinions are not endorsed nor expressly agreed with by this Station and are soley the opinions of the author (not me) LOL
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.
Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note...Must do more sit-ups.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
Long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner,
Enhanced with natural avocado oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
Wash your face with crushed apricot
facial scrub for ten minutes, until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come off.
Shave armpits and legs.
Consider shaving bikini area, but decide to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet
and you lose the water pressure.
Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Tweeze hairs.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas,
then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
At 10/19/2006 6:44 AM ,
Mitch said...
Attention. Attewntion please!
I'm sure many of you have seen some of the video of our reunion party on the web.
Instead of emailing everyone for updates as they are sent to the web in "fragments"....we invite you to go on {www.youtube.com} for further updates.
After signing on just type Makowsky Reunion or Makowsky speeches in the search window.
I think it is terrific... and for people who were not there, it gives you a chance to see what a wonderful event it was.
BTW, we all owe a great deal of thanks to Mindy Weinshenker who is posting this from the Netherlands for us to enjoy.
Thank you Mindy!!!!!
At 10/19/2006 7:02 AM ,
Mitch said...
If you want...just paste this into your browser....
www.youtube.com/profile?user=boerrigterjem
It will bring you right there!
At 10/20/2006 5:08 PM ,
augie said...
You might be a redneck if you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are 'Play Ball'"
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."
The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!"
"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"
"Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
At 10/24/2006 11:52 AM ,
Bob Hutt said...
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold
popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?"
Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him.
Harold nodded and said "On your
way, Ma'am."
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his
hand. Sounds like something one of my Senior Boys would do???
"Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!"
NOW I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, THAT'S FUNNY
At 10/24/2006 8:44 PM ,
Rob said...
I remember 2 Ethels i used to know. One was Ethel Mertz (fred's wife) and the other was a cleaning lady from the Bungalow colony. I think my Mom and her friends got her for a group rate.
At 10/30/2006 8:53 PM ,
Rob said...
A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was
found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that
started with the letter "T".
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday
At 10/30/2006 8:55 PM ,
Rob said...
(Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?"
(A) Through his chest with a sharp knife.
(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?
(A) Nudity
(Q) What' s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
(A) A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
cage along with a recipe
At 10/31/2006 6:21 PM ,
Mitch said...
Three guys were sitting in a bar ( Black man, Italian & Jew )...they were all saying how they were the best lovers, and they could have their wives/girlfriends "screaming" with delight the longest.
They each made a wager as to which one would do the best job and decided to go home and report back the following week with their results.
A week passed and they all met back in the bar to find out how they all fared.
The black man proudly stuck out his chest and said, " I took my time and caressed my girlfriend all over and made sure she was ready and we made mad passionate love and I had her screaming for 1/2 an hour."
The Italian man said, " Are you kidding?....We drank 2 bottles of vino, I fed her grapes, took my time and while we were making love, she was screaming for over an hour."
The Jew just laughed at the two of them and said, " I got some body oil, rubbed it all over her body, and then wiped my hands on the drapes....she's still screaming!"
At 10/31/2006 9:50 PM ,
Rob said...
Hey Mitch is this a trade joke.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home